Travel And Healing
The last of my work is done. Sure I have to do Jim’s final taxes, but the things I had to do for him, personally, are done. Jim has returned to the West Coast and his ashes will hang out with his daughter until his funeral later this year. Now all that’s left is …. Read More
Death And The Aftermath
Jim died an hour after my last post. His breathing changed almost as soon as I hit upload. Apnea started again. Two or three breaths, then a pause, and then two or three more. The nurse came in to clean him up. Usually they did that in the morning but I think they knew …. Read More
The Waiting Game
I’m truly grateful his daughter has been able to stay with me until Jim passes. The waiting is killing us. Him literally but the rest of us figuratively. I don’t want to sound impatient, yet the stress of waiting for the inevitable is taking its toll. I’ve learned more about narcotics than I ever …. Read More
Hospice
After we put Jim on palliative care, he still stayed in the same hospital room. They didn’t have beds available on the palliative floor. This was okay at first. His roommate was wonderful. A delightful little old guy who also had dementia plus some painful bowel issues. His family were great… except for his wife. …. Read More
The Final Countdown
I had it all worked out, on paper at least. I had a plan of action for when the time came to say goodbye to Jim. It still hurts like hell. I brought him back into the ER in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. He’d woken up full of delusions. He had to leave …. Read More
Year End Wrap Up
The last few weeks have shown me exactly how much I’ve lost my husband. Using the scale I devised to measure his decline (assuming him as 100% in 2014): He was 90% in July 2017 – Able to function normally, but lost the ability to critically comprehend complex processes like investments, getting a loan …. Read More
It’s Okay To Be sad
It’s okay to be sad after all your life is being dismantled one brick at a time. Some days bricks are put back in place and it gives you a false sense of hope, only to have it ripped away again, when the next day when it’s two bricks gone instead of just one. …. Read More
Bittersweet Anniversary
Today is very bittersweet. It’s our wedding anniversary. Jim is a very traditional guy. He never forgets a birthday or anniversary. He’s usually the fellow who has a celebration plan weeks in advance. Last year, even in the thick of the pandemic, he made sure we celebrated. This year, his ability to connect day …. Read More
Sports Progress
Jim is a sports guy. He’s always been athletic and has played any sport available to him. In elementary school he played softball, in high school it was basketball and as an adult he played rec league basketball and pick up games of flag football. When his kids we young, he made sure they …. Read More
The Alternative, Pros and Cons
My aunt died this past week. Thanks to Covid and living so far away from my family, it’s really highlighted the isolation I feel. Even without Covid, I wouldn’t have been able to travel to be with my family because of Jim’s limitations. My aunt had several health issues along with a recent diagnosis …. Read More