My best friend sent me a birthday card a few years ago with the sentiment, I’ll be your friend until we’re old, gray and senile – and then when we forget each, other we’ll be new friends all over again.
Jim is starting to forget our routines and some of the little things that make up our day. It’s all very random, the things he remembers and the things he forgets.
Recently, he started handing me his banking card on Tuesdays and Thursdays (my respite days). Without prompting, he has his it out and ready for me because I always hit Tim Horton’s to get a breakfast sandwich for him before heading ‘to work’. He doesn’t eat during the day unless I make food for him. So on my respite days, I buy food to ensure he’ll eat while I’m gone. Even though I’ve been doing this since last March, he suddenly decided he was going to start paying, so now he pulls out his card. This is a new, consistent memory.
Yet, When I ask him what he’d like me to make for dinner Saturday, he’ll tell me, and then ask several times during the day, “What are we eating tonight?” He consistently remembers to set the table while I’m cooking but needs to ask (even though he can see and smell the meal) what knives we need because he’s forgotten what we’re eating. After the meal, he’s surprised at what’s on the plate when I bring out dessert. Even though he chose and asked frequently, he rarely knows what will be served when I come out of the kitchen.
I can be wearing a ratty old pair of pajama pants and he’ll ask me if their new because he’s never seen them before.
I give him a bowl of cheezies in the evening (a ritual as we unwind from the day) and even though he watched me prepare them, he’s still startled when I put the bowl in the table in front of him.
On Saturday, March 13 (date is important) we were driving home from getting groceries and Jim said, “What a great day. Hard to believe it’s December.”
I just smile and said, “Yeah it’s a lovely day. Maybe we’ll go out side for a bit this afternoon and enjoy the sun.”
Happily, he also seems to have lost his need tp endlessly fret over bad memories. He used to stew for hours and even days over past transgressions. This is a relief for both of us, even though he isn’t aware anything has changed.
My advice is to live in the now, and take these moments as silver linings and bright spots to lighten you along the way.