Yesterday was one of those days. I loaded the winter tires into the car to have them put on and the car wouldn’t start.

Happily, our neighbour was outside and had booster cables. We got the car going and I was off to the dealership. The tire and oil change should have taken between and hour and an hour and a half. Instead it took 4 1/2 hours.

Apparently, the regional union rep came in and demanded a mandatory meeting that was over an hour. It put them severely behind.

When Jim called the first time, it was around 1:30 to see when I’d be home, he called from the house phone. He remembered where I was, he just wanted to know when I’d be back.

His second call was from his cell an hour later. He was concerned I was taking so long, but he at least he still remembered where I was.

The third call was around 3:30, also from his cell. This time he was worried. I’d been out a long time and he couldn’t remember where I’d gone.

He wanted to call me a fourth time. He didn’t know where I was, and it was starting to get late. (The recent time change made it darker and seem even later) He was beginning to panic. He wanted to call but he couldn’t find the number to reach me, even though he’d used it 45 minutes earlier.

When I pulled into our driveway, he was at the window watching for me. It took him until after supper to stop talking about how scared he’d been for my safety because he didn’t know where I was and it was later than I usually was getting home. He’d completely forgotten I was out getting the tires changed and that I’d told him I was going to be late. He didn’t remember calling me until I reminded him and then he immediately forgot again. The memory didn’t stick until his anxiety subsided and then he forgot the entire incident.

His ability to remember declined rapidly once his anxiety kicked in. There was no consoling him when I first got home, he was agitated and kept pacing to get rid of his excess energy/anxiety. It didn’t start to ease until after we ate dinner, and didn’t completely go away until we were heading to bed.

Thankfully, he didn’t remember any of it the next morning, but I’m noticing he has an underlying unease that started when I first mentioned moving. My (in his mind) unexplained absence just added to the subconscious fear residing there as his ability to understand the world around him decreases.

I am fortunate this emotion comes out as uneasiness and not anger. I know many aren’t as lucky and their loved one strikes out in anger every time they misunderstand.

Then again, maybe they’re luckier, they have to self-protect against harsh words, which eventually gives them a degree of separation so angry words don’t strike as hard.

Jim’s inconsolable anxiety is hard on my heart.