Fear and guilt are the two worse enemies of a caregiver.

We live with guilt everyday. It plays on our insecurities and tells us we’re not doing enough.

Fear though, is a whole different animal. Fear incapacitates us.

It reminds us that no matter how careful we are, something can still happen to our loved one and there is nothing we can do about it. We aren’t a god and aside of out ability to provide a safe and comfortable living environment, we have no control.

Heart attacks, falls, strokes, car accidents, Covid, pneumonia, etc.,  can all happen and we are powerless to stop them despite our best attempts to prevent them.

How do you combat fear?

You use it. You face fear head on and dissect it.

• What are the risks and can I do anything about them?
• Have I done all that I can do given tour circumstances?
• Even if I could do more, can I eliminate the risk?

Now is the hard part, let go of the fear.

There comes a point when you just have to put your loved one’s fate in the hands of the power than be. Do everything you can do and accept that ultimately, you can’t control their life other than to make sure they know how loved and cared for they feel during their final years, months, days and hours.

Especially when caring for someone with dementia, how you make them feel is the next most important thing next to their physical care. Emotional memories are the last to disappear. Making them feel loved and treasuring the time you have with them will help to put fear back in its place.

Fear is a useful tool but it should never be allowed to be your overriding emotion. It will rob you of all the positives left in your relationship with a person who has dementia.