I feel like I’m being hard on myself this week. I feel like perhaps I’m looking after me a little more than looking after Jim but truthfully, I don’t think I’m really looking after me either

This is a cycle. I’ve been here before, it’s a little self-protective, like burrowing deep into a cocoon. I bury myself in trashy/silly books and lose my desire to do anything productive. I just want to escape life for a while

I’m not sure if  this cycle is just a depressive episode, a reaction to Jim’s frustration from last week’s evaluation phone call, or knowing that this afternoon we have to deal with a call from a psychiatrist.

I’m a little jumpy about this call because I don’t know why it’s happening or what it’s about. I feel unprepared which sets me on edge. It also means that I have no to prepare Jim for the call, because I don’t know what this appointment entails.

So I understand that this is partly just me being out of sorts. Still, I’m sitting at the beach breathing in the fresh air through the window of my car instead of going for a walk on this gorgeous sunny day. I’m sitting in my car and reading a trashy novel because I just don’t want to do anything.

Days like these I guess, you just have to suck it up and forgive yourself.

*post note – the psychiatrist call was just to touch base and ensure that Jim wasn’t having hallucinations, delusions etc. (common in Dementia patients) that could trigger anxiety or depression. The psychiatrist spoke to me for a while and just talked to Jim for a couple of minutes.

Despite my wariness, it was a very good call. Which left me feeling somewhat accomplished afterward because I was already doing much of what he was going to recommend. Whew!