Here is a contradiction that anyone looking after a spouse with dementia probably understands.

That feeling of neglect, despite your spouses constant attention.

Jim is clingy. He comes searching for me every time I’ve been out of the room for a few minutes. He did this even at our old house, before he knew we were moving. He’s become so uncertain in his own abilities and recognizes how much he needs me, that he constantly asks if I’m okay, or seek me out to reassure himself I was around.

It’s worse after the move because our surroundings are unfamiliar to him. Sure, muscle memory and a night light help him to find the bathroom without having to wake me in the middle of the night, but I can no longer stay up later than he does. He insists on dozing on the couch until I’m ready to go to bed because he’s not comfortable going to sleep alone.

Yet, with all that attention, he can’t retain my answers to his questions regarding my well being.

Case in point, I caught back-to-back colds after we moved. I’m assuming stress and relaxed immunity from not being around people left me vulnerable. Over this past week, I’ve single-handedly emptied three boxes of tissue from blowing my nose.

Yet, every time I cough or sneeze, Jim asks if I’m catching a cold. He doesn’t notice, or can’t parse the pile of snotty tissues in front of me to determine that I indeed have a cold and it’s been going on for a while.

It makes me miss my partner, the one who looks after me in sickness and in health.

I also feel guilty because I know this isn’t his fault.

He didn’t choose to have dementia and he hates what’s happening to him, even though (Thank God) he doesn’t completely understand the full extent of the damage this disease has done. He’s rapidly approaching the capability of a six foot toddler.