I’m a huge reader. I need to be prepared so that I can best face what’s coming.

Decades ago when I was trying to get pregnant, I’d read 4 pregnancy books, including the scary chapters about what could go wrong, just so I’d know what to watch out for. Once I knew the risks, I could stop worrying because I was prepared. Turned out to be a good thing, when I made an appointment with the doctor to find out why I wasn’t getting pregnant, I has already tracked my cycle for three months. Which is the first step in diagnosing fertility problems. I was ahead of the curve before I even started.

I’ve done the same thing with Dementia. I’ve read my ass off.

Good thing because they all recommended the same advice that has helped stop me from being counter-productive in my care of Jim and saved me uncountable head and heartaches.

In my head, the advice has translated itself into ‘protect the guilty’. I have done nothing wrong. Neither has Regular-Jim but Dementia-Jim is wreaking havoc.

Yet to keep Regular-Jim happy, I need to protect Dementia-Jim.

Even though his cognitive function is similar to a child’s, neither Jim is teachable. Correcting him over and over again makes him feel stupid and useless and leaves me frustrated. He isn’t able to wrap his mind around new (and  frequently old) information.

So, as long as the idea stuck in his head isn’t physically harmful (like wanting to slide headfirst down the stairs because he thinks he did it yesterday) it’s best to let him keep his illusions. Does he wake from a nap and check the front door because he thought he heard a knock – let him (unless it’s the middle of the night, then help him check the door through the window). If he misspeaks a story from his childhood, let him keep talking. He’s exercising his brain by reminiscing, the story’s accuracy doesn’t matter. If going along with his misconception doesn’t do physical harm then let it go.

It’s not fun. I have never been a good actress or liar and I have a natural tendency to teach or correct and that is contrary to best practices when dealing with someone who has Dementia.

Dementia patients can be extremely paranoid. I fully expect that Jim will eventually accuse me of cheating or having a caregiver steal from him (these seem to be two of the most common accusations). The trick will be to find wording that will make him feel validated and ease his fears.

Sadly, this may include apologizing for a misdeed I didn’t commit just too soothe his ruffled feathers.

Regular-Jim has always been fixated on certain aspects of his life. Dementia-Jim takes obsession to the next level. He remains fixated until he has some sort of resolution that sticks. It’s only a matter of time before I end up on the shitty end of one of his perceptions.