As we travel on this journey together I’m noticing that I’m taking on the mantle of a martyr.

I find that I’m starting to put off essential appointments because I can’t look after everyone  and everything I need to and still have the brain space left to be concerned about myself. I find myself postponing things like mammograms and pap smears because I’ve guilted myself into believing that it’s more important to make sure I have the time off available to look after Jim in case something goes wrong.

The catch is, this isn’t an unfounded fear. He’s needed to do three weeks of outpatient antibiotics. He’s also had swelling after cataract surgery which required monthly eye surgeon appointments for over a year and the problem still isn’t resolved. It’s like waiting for another shoe to drop.

I’m still trying to look after myself despite the missed appointments. We have a small one-room gym at work which I use three times a week and I recently started to walk during my other two lunch breaks. I became bored walking the same route over and over so I started to run. It’s a work in progress.

So this post is meant to light a fire under my butt and get my doctor’s appointments looked after. I can’t care for Jim if I’m ill.