The last of my work is done. Sure I have to do Jim’s final taxes, but the things I had to do for him, personally, are done.

Jim has returned to the West Coast and his ashes will hang out with his daughter until his funeral later this year.

Now all that’s left is the celebration. Of his life certainly, but also his grandson’s wedding.

His family and I have bonded during the latter parts of his illness, which was surprising because we lived farther away.

I think part of the change was that I actually told them what was happening with their dad, instead of his gruff, “Everything is fine.”

I am so appreciative of their love and support. This trip out to the place where Jim and I spent the bulk of our time has given me a chance to say goodbye to our life together.

I’ve referred to this trip as a goodbye/reunion tour. I’m bidding farewell to being Jim’s wife at the same time as I am meeting up with friends who I couldn’t see as often as much while I was married, or when Jim was sick.

I’m reuniting with me. Rediscovering who I was through the eyes of my friends and old coworkers. Many who knew me before Jim, or before he declined enough to need me 24/7.

It’s nice to have the reminder when I’ve been so focused on him, I didn’t know where to start with me.

Still I bawled like a baby driving in to our old office, or up the road to his daughter’s house.  It felt wrong that he wasn’t with me.

I’ll cry again as I leave this place. I will physically and symbolically be leaving Jim behind.