Happy New Year! May you have joy and peace this year.

It’s been a rough few months. I have barely been writing. Hell I haven’t been reading as much as I used to either. However, there has been a lot of me staring blankly into space, contemplating life and how to handle the coming stages.

Jim has declined steadily.

• He has very little retention, and doesn’t seem to know when or where we are. Especially when he first wakes from a nap. He’s constantly looking for his children as if they are kids, not the middle aged adults they’ve become.
• He also has lost any concept of what time of day it is. Often, he’ll start suggesting it’s time for bed before the sun goes down… it’s January, the sun sets around 5pm.
• He’s beginning to have more accidents because he can’t get to the bathroom in time or his clean up efforts plug the toilet.  (Lysol wipes and the plunger have become my best friend).
• He can dress himself if he can wear the same clothes every day, but gets confused if I give him clean clothes to put on. (He keeps searching for the dirty clothes to put back on.) He seems to have forgotten that clothes can be washed and worn again, they aren’t just thrown away.
• He’s obsessed with keeping himself clean without taking a shower. Although, he’s forgotten what each bottle in the bathroom is for. More than once I’ve found his white t-shirts with blue under arm stains (mouthwash). And yes, all dangerous bottles have been removed and hidden so he can’t use them by accident.)
• He sleeps a lot more during the day. If we go out one day, he’s extra tired the next. So far, he seems to be still sleeping through the night.

Part of it has been positive, especially the sleeping more soundly during the day part. I’ve been able to do many things around our house that needed to be done before winter. I’ve been able to accomplish much of what I have because I’ve learned if I move around while he’s falling asleep, I can keep moving around and he doesn’t notice when I sneak outside. I can keep an eye on him through the door to see when he gets up. Some days I’ve had over an hour of ‘chore’ time before he wakes up.

After Thanksgiving in October, I arranged to have home care in more often. As with all health care staff, there is a shortage, so I could only get someone twice a week on alternate weeks.

Still, those two extra days a month have come in handy, especially as Christmas approached. Having that freedom to browse stores and take advantage of sales for things I still needed for the house was therapeutic. I’ve spent several hours at the coffee shop up the street just being. Or I’ve taken my coffee to go and parked by the wharf near my house and watched the tide go in and out.

Not that we did a lot for the holiday. We had a family tragedy early in December. My youngest brother had a heart attack and died. Which made it only four adults gathered together to celebrate.  Jim didn’t know it was Christmas despite the turkey, tree and presents. In a way, that made it easier to deal with my brother’s empty chair.

Having home care for those extra days already in place, made the week of the funeral easier to handle. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I hand to drag Jim to the funeral home, bank, lawyer etc. meetings to deal with my brother’s estate. (Jim can’t remember my brother died, Every time he’s reminded, he reacts like it’s the first time he heard it.)

I remember how guilty I felt about getting extra help. Never have I been so thankful that it was already in place when tragedy struck.

Lesson learned. Don’t be a martyr. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin on a regular day, you haven’t left yourself any room to breathe in case something unexpected happens.