Here’s a topic not covered in most books about care-giving because they are written for adult children caring for a parent, not a spouse.

When Regular Jim and I first got together, we were like rabbits. Two old dogs learning all sorts of new fun tricks. If he roused in the middle of the night, he’d roll over to spoon me and drift back to sleep and all was right in my world.

Then came Dementia Jim, and with him came several issues.

Dementia Jim is still just as frisky but his manual dexterity has diminished, so his handling of my tender bits isn’t exactly gentle. He doesn’t have the same awareness of my responses, he doesn’t have the ability anymore to notice and adjust to make it good for me.

I’ve learned to fake it and leave him satisfied and sleepy.

Dementia Jim is very touchy feely, especially in the middle of the night. No matter the time, he rolls over, puts his arm around me and he starts a stroking session. Which at 3am is annoying because his touch isn’t light. It often startles me awake, so I can’t easily get back to sleep. Usually, when I brush him away, he’s apologetic, rolls away and drifts back to sleep but sometimes he wakes again within minutes and we start the process all over again. Either way, I end up wide awake and watching my clock until the alarm goes off.

I’m dreading the day he wakes and forgets who I am. Will he consider me just be a random naked chick in his bed. I fear that if he doesn’t remember who I am, he may get petulant or aggressive when I tell him to go back to sleep.

To cope and prepare, I’ve started take extra long to get ready for bed. I’ll read in the bathroom until I hear him snoring and then I’ll climb in beside him. Then, in the morning, I wake before he does. My half-baked plan is to wean him from sleeping with me because if this behaviour keeps up, I’ll have to start sleeping in another room.

I’m not sure how I’ll make that work. If Regular Jim is the one who wakes up during the night, he will come searching for me to make sure I’m all right which causes it’s own set of safety issues.

In the meantime, I’ll have to find a way because I need my sleep to look after him properly. I get grumpy and scattered when I don’t sleep well. Suggestions?