Last Christmas, I watched Jim open his gifts and realized that it would be the last holiday with him.

This year, I’m grateful for what we still have. He’s not as incapacitated as I predicted.

He’s still charming and witty and has the same personality for the most part even though, he’s no where near the man I fell in love with and married.

Since last Christmas, he’s stopped driving, had a few months of anger and frustration and then Covid19 hit. Suddenly, his anxiety rose and nose-dived at the same time. He was worried about the pandemic but happy that I was home most days. Having me home has helped stave off his ever-persistent depression over being less than he was.

However, the decline since last year is obvious. His balance has deteriorated and his hands are as shaky as his memory. His ability to grasp new concepts is poor and his short-term memory is barely existent aside for routines, schedules and whatever topic he fixates on (until he forgets and then that’s gone too). His lack of understanding permeates every facet of our life.

He’s lost all pretense of knowing the month or year. Although, he still attempts to keep track of the days and has no problem telling if it’s morning, afternoon or evening.

As I watch him on Christmas morning, I wonder where we’ll be next year? Will I still be able to safely care for him by myself? Will it be safe to have other’s care for him? Will he decline too much for me to have a choice in the matter?

I wish you all the same I wish for me. Please have a safe Christmas and holiday season. May you have joy and contentment and amidst the rush and restrictions find a moment to pause, reflect and find your inner peace.

Merry Christmas.

Jim’s wife