I had a bit of a boost yesterday.

I had to go to the office to pick up something and was talking to the girls. It was a good day because during this second wave of Covid19, I’ve been somewhat isolated and these days and Jim isn’t able to be the best conversationalist.

One of the girls has a mother who is beginning to experience signs of Dementia. She doesn’t have a diagnosis yet but her symptoms are consistent with Jim’s in the beginning. She asked me how I kept from being impatient from all of the repeated questions and stories..

I introduced her to the concept of “Dementia Jim”.

My rescue from frustration came from creating an imaginary split between Jim and his disease. I know I’ve talked about this before but I think it bears repeating.

Regular Jim is my loving husband. He does his best, despite knowing something is wrong with the way his mind works. He isn’t to blame for the actions of Dementia Jim in fact he’s being held hostage by Dementia Jim.

Dementia Jim is the personification of the disease. Often, you’ll hear relatives excusing a loved one’s behaviour as “oh that’s just the Dementia talking”. It’s the same idea.

Creating that fictional separation gives you a target for your impatience other than the person suffering from Dementia.

As I type this, Jim is in the other room with the television going. As much as Regular Jim enjoys this program, Dementia Jim has robbed him of his attention span. So in addition to the drone of the TV, I also hear videos playing on YouTube because Dementia Jim can’t focus on one thing anymore. (Yeah – it’s annoying, especially when you’re trying to concentrate)

Dementia Jim is very self absorbed. He paces around the house, cruises social media, and disturbs people with  irrelevant conversations with no regard for what is going on around him. Yet, he expects everyone else to follow along because he no longer understands that this isn’t how one shows consideration to others.

When I told my old co-worker about this separation strategy, she thought it was brilliant and thanked me.

It was a nice boost to know that in spite of how overwhelmed I often feel, I’m on the right track.