A friend and I were talking the other day about how Jim seemed to be declining faster over the past few weeks.

Part of it, at least I think, part of it had to do with the holidays and the highlighting of how distant his family is from each other. He worries how big and spread out his family has become. He worries that once he’s gone, if someone needs help, there won’t be any family there to back them up.

With heightened anxiety comes the appearance of decline, simply because he’s distracted and worried.

But I think there is another reason why the change seems so much more dramatic. Over the past few months I’ve been moving from a role where I was passively observing his decline to a position where I have to actually manage him.Now I’m looking a little more closely for problem areas – and I’m finding them.

In August, I call forwarded the land line and took over dispensing his medications. Over the fall, I’d taken over most of the cooking  and now double check to make sure that he’d eaten lunch while I was at work. But now I see that I need to start managing other parts of his life too.

The battery in his car died last weekend. We called CAA and they had a fellow out within the hour to replace the battery. I was working on my laptop so I didn’t really pay attention to the jacket he put on, Jim is usually the guy who runs for a sweater at the first hint of a shiver, so I never thought to ensure his winter clothing was adequate.

He was so intent on watching the guy from CAA that he didn’t notice he was cold. Even though he stood inside the open garage out of the wind, it was still -5C outside.  When he came in he was shaking so hard he couldn’t undo his boots. He hadn’t even put on gloves.

This scares the Bejesus out of me. It took us almost 2 hours including a hot drink and a warm shower to get him  warm again. Questions pounded my brain: What happens when he goes out during the day when I’m working without proper clothing for the weather? What else does he do that is unsafe when I’m away?

The crossroads are coming fast… I have to start making plans to either stop working or find some sort of care, so that I can ensure the safety of my husband!