According to my calculations, Jim is about 6 months into stage 5 on the Global Deterioration Scale. This stage averages 18 months long and seems to be the one that heralds the greatest change in the person with Dementia. This stage is where they become dependent on other people to survive from day to day. It’s also when they begin to lose more than just their short term memory.

I’ve known for a while that I was at risk for being one of the first people Jim forgot. Yes, I have the advantage of being with him on a daily basis. But, I am also the new wife. We’re just coming up on our 6th wedding anniversary and we all know that newer memories are the first to go.

This morning was the first utterance of the phrase I’ve been dreading. “Who are you?”

I’m not going to lie, it broke my heart.

But I take solace in the fact he’d just been abruptly woken by my alarm. He wasn’t fully awake and lucid when he asked the question. Plus, he seemed to recover quickly. He didn’t repeat the question and he seemed to realize who I was within seconds of waking up.

I’m not even sure he realized that he’d spoken the question at all.

I can convince myself into thinking he was still dreaming when he spoke and pretend that it doesn’t matter. But, it was a not so friendly reminder to protect and prepare myself for what’s coming. He’s already most comfortable surrounding himself in old memories.

This also brings up some logistical issues that are specific to spouses. What am I going to do when we fall asleep cuddled together and then he freaks out in the morning because there is a strange naked chick in his bed?

Can we say, “Awkward?!”