I’m so thankful that I’m the new wife. Jim and I don’t have the negative baggage of divorce or other bad memories between us. I came into his life after he found peace with himself and he seems to find comfort in my presence. For now, that makes me exempt from his frustration about his declining abilities. I am the calm in his storm for which I’m grateful, even though it is exhausting.

This year the holidays have been a roller coaster of emotions. About three weeks before Christmas I noticed another consistent downturn in Jim’s cognitive function. His decline seemed to emphasize his emotions that come from the season, he always seems to show more primal, lizard brain when his feelings get engaged. Sometimes anger or frustration and sometimes melancholy and broodiness.

But last night was a relief from all of that.

We received a call from Ray, one of Jim’s friends from high school.

I was able to speak with him first which was perfect because it gave me a chance to give him a heads up about Jim’s condition. I’ve been planning to contact his to let him know about Jim’s Dementia but had been putting it off because Jim hasn’t declined enough yet to necessitate contacting people outside of the family. Hearing from Ray was a godsend. It let me off the hook from having to make that call.

He and his wife came for supper last night and it was the best I’ve seen Jim in ages. He was like a little kid waiting for Santa as we watched for them to pull up. The evening was wonderful. Ray and his wife made me part of the group, as they walked down memory lane with Jim.

Bonus – having their versions of events in the past gave me more info to help prompt Jim’s recollections to exercise his brain.

Because they knew about Jim’s Dementia, I was able to relax and let the evening unfold without feeling like I had to control the conversation and steer away from trigger topics. I knew that Ray could handle anything that came up.

Seeing Jim so happy was a balm to my breaking heart as I watch him decline in front of my eyes. They call it anticipatory grief which I’m sure I’ll talk a lot about later. Sadly, I’m still hovering at the tip of this particular iceberg.