There are so many dimensions to caregiving. There are so many layers to looking after another person and trying not to burn yourself out in the process.

Guilt, for example, is a multi-pronged attack on caregivers, more powerful than anyone gives it credit for. Especially when you are the spouse/care-giver. ‘Til death do you part’ is an abstract concept when you say your vows but it becomes a harsh reality when Dementia comes knocking. Yet, no one seems to (or wants to) recognize that it isn’t just another easy part of marital duties.

Would I go back on those vows? Absolutely Not!

But, nowhere within those same vows is the statement that you have to do it all alone. Yet, guilt comes creeping in, even if your decision will not affect your partner’s care, guilt, and even your family, can convince you that you are horrible for considering to take even a short period of time, to care for yourself.

I have an opportunity for some ‘me’ time.

At the last minutes they decided to close our office on Dec 27th, the Friday after Christmas. Going in to work on an unexpected day off won’t cause any interruption to Jim’s his schedule yet I’m feeling immensely guilty about omitting the topic. Telling him isn’t an option, I mean, how do you say to your partner, “I need to be away from you for the day?”

I know that as his Dementia gets worse, it could be months before I have another opportunity to take time for myself again. I’m also excited about having eight uninterrupted hours of peace. I can scream down the halls of the empty office and bawl my eyes out without anyone hearing me.

Yet, even after working this all out in my head, it’s taken me telling four people of my plan (two of them bosses) and having all of them say, without hesitation, to take a day for myself to convince me to do it. And even now I’m waffling, afraid of the what ifs.

Is it more likely Jim will fall on this day than any other day I’m working? No

Can I get to him faster in case there was an emergency than on any other day I work? Yes

**Update** I did  go in to the office and spent the day making plans for the next few months. Between working full time and being with Jim in the evenings, I haven’t had a chance to take stock of where we are and come up with options for what may happen in the future. Driving home, I felt more at peace than I have in months. It was a good decision.