How do you talk to someone about their diminishing memory and abilities– before you have the diagnosis of Dementia?
How do you convince then to exercise more caution when they no longer understand the risks of their actions?
In Canada, there is a wellness form for doctors to fill out as each patient approaches 80. I had high hopes for this form. I was hoping it would force testing and solve all of my problems and that I could avoid the above conversations.
Yeah… No, that didn’t happen and it wasn’t the doctor’s fault. Because of Jim’s diabetes, the doctor sees Jim often. For the 5-10 minutes Jim is in for appointments to take his blood pressure or renew medication, he presents well.
The doctor had no reason to suspect that he was having memory issues and Jim refused to tell him. (I fixed this by ratting him out to the doctor 🙂 )
New Problem: Dementia-Jim has fewer inhibitions and is becoming quite fearless.
Years ago, he started using a maintenance service years ago to mow the lawn, clean the gutters and shovel snow. Claimed he wasn’t going to die from a heart attack doing yard work. Now that Dementia-Jim has come to live with us, I come home from work to hear about how he cleaned the gutters from our 2nd floor deck while standing on a folding plastic chair and leaning over the railing. (Note – to find the plastic chair, he had to crawl over the stepladder. So safety obviously wasn’t part of his requirements)
So, we can add a new stressor, I am now scared shitless for his safety while I’m at work.
With situations like this in mind, how do you have this conversation with your person to say “Hey, I don’t want you to think you’re fragile. I don’t want you to think less of yourself. But dude you have limitations.”
How do you tell them to scale themselves back, without frightening them into timid mice?
How do you reassure them that you will always love them and will always be there as they lose themselves to Dementia?
What do you do when they refuse to believe they have dementia? How do you tell them they have dementia when you don’t have that diagnosis to back you up?
Jim will joke about having a crap memory. He will admit that is memory has worsened. But he won’t look at the bigger picture or even consider there could be a problem.
Even if I get him to figure out that yes, he has Dementia or some unnamed bigger problem. How do I get him to remember and be safe?
How do I keep it from breaking not only his heart but also his spirit?